Mirror, Mirror

black woman in mirror

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall…

Have you ever wondered why certain situations and circumstances arise in your life or why things always seem to happen to you?  What’s wrong with me? Why do they treat me so badly? Why do I feel so alone?  Why don’t I receive the same amount of love and benevolence that I give?

These are questions that I have often pondered as well.  Questions that took me on a quest or should I say a journey.  This journey required lots of seeking and digging within, because it’s so easy to look without. It’s even easier to place the blame on someone else, or to project your issues onto someone else.  When in reality they are simply mirrors reflecting YOU back to YOU.  I know that is a mouthful and a lot to grasp especially if you are stuck in a cycle of denial, self-pity, frustration, and pain.

Its time to break such cycles and release ourselves from such sabotaging behavior.  Thus allowing us to nurture healthy relationships with self and others.

The number one thing that must take place is responsibility and accountability.  What I often see in others and sometimes in myself is the subconscious projection of an inner reality onto others.  Well, you may ask what do I mean by that. Okay, for example; You loved a man with all of your heart.  You gave him everything you thought he needed and wanted.  You cooked for him, cleaned for him, made love to him, took care of his children, and yet he treats or treated you like crap.  No matter how much love you gave him, it was never returned in the way you truly and deeply needed it be.  So, your first response is projection.  You project your anger, hurt, pain and defeat upon him and all that appear to be like him.  You begin to judge all men, you begin to hate men, you even begin to hate and dislike yourself.

The truth of the matter is this, he could not give you what you did not give to yourself.  He only reflected back to you what you denied or refused to acknowledge about you.  If  you would take the time to dig deep and really look within yourself, you would discover that you never really took the time to love and value you. You feel worthless and like you do not deserve to be loved or valued. So the responsibility is then placed in the lap of another.  Man, that is a heavy burden to bear!!  This is often why many men bail out on women.  The unrealistic expectations that are placed upon their shoulders is way too much for them to bear.

That leads me back to my original point; Responsibility and Accountability.  This is where we have to get completely naked and real with self. Acknowledging your truth and dealing with it.  Healing the wounds that were neglected and suppressed.

There are so many lies that we either tell ourselves or we believe about ourselves that if not dealt with in the seed form (the original thought or suggestion), then we subconsciously or unconsciously build our whole being upon that lie.  This is also known as a false personality.

Its time to get naked!!  Stripping off all false personalities, lies and stories we tell ourselves or believe about ourselves.  Its time to heal.  Contrary to the popular saying, time does not heal all wounds.  Putting in the work, being real with yourself, processing emotions and feelings the proper way, and re-programming your mind to the frequency of truth and love is the only way one can truly heal.

There are so many resources out there for us. All of the excuses are played out.  Let’s take some time and dig deep.  Healing is yours if you want it.  If you don’t like the fruits of your life, change your reflection.

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Until next time, let’s continue to BmoreBeautiful

PBM (Pre-Evaluation Before Marriage)

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Hey Beauties,

So often, many of us dream, desire or feel the need to jump the broom as we approach a certain age. The truth is many of us are so focused on being married and waiting for the right guy to ask us for our hand in marriage. Some of us have already have a cake, a caterer, and a dress that’s two sizes too small because we’re anticipating the size we will be. With all of the planning we’ve been doing we forget to evaluate the most important part of the union, the pre-evaluation of OURSELVES!! 

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                You have your biological clock ticking, your girlfriends and/or parents asking you or telling you, you need a mate. Question is…have YOU prepped your single world for a permanent guest? You really have to clean house (figuratively & literally)!! Once we find a potential mate (read: victim, LOL), who feels he or she wants to sign up for the lifetime job of being our mate…do we accept responsibility to make peace with ourselves? Or…do we expect and depend on our soon to be lifetime partner, to lift that burden? If so, you might as well put it in your plans for this union to possibly self destruct!! As you’re dating and waiting, don’t live that time period in vain! Use those years wisely!! Instead of looking at that time as waiting for her or him, look at it as working on SELF. Get your finances in order so that you’re self-sufficient. When the me becomes “we”, unpack and donate all of your old flames baggage!!What I mean is…all the gifts, memories, hurts and fears of your ex’s need to be THROWN OUT!! Also, get counseling for all those family secrets that have affected you!! You never know how alive they are until you’re face to face with them again!!

I can not stress this enough, talk to your mate!!! Find out what their childhood was like and be sure to get the Angry_African_American_couple_standing_back_to_BLD040541negative side too. People tend to only highlight the good and bury the things that have hurt them. I feel it is equally important, so that you are aware about what issues you need to be sensitive to. Be sure to discuss having children and what you expect from the other parent. You may be surprised about how many women from a two parent household marry a man who was raised by a  single mother. They can get frustrated because they expect him to be able to handle things a certain way.

Last but not least, when dating & waiting, be sure to be evaluate yourself! That way when that right person finds you, you will have YOUR “house” in order. It will be open, warm, welcoming, and ready to receive a guest. DON’T leave that person out in the cold while you run around, hurrying, and trying to pick up trash while they are outside ringing your bell. Keep your “house” clean!!

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Until next time, let’s continue to BmoreBeautiful

T. Richards

Let Your Light Shine

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“Be yourself. Above all, let who you are, what you are, what you believe shine through every sentence you write, every piece you finish.”
John Jakes

Hey Beauties,

I took a hiatus. After longggggg thought, I decided that I  couldn’t allow my blog to just die out. I put some of my deepest feelings into this! BmoreBeautiful is truly my baby. My blog entries served as my own encouragement while I attempted to encourage others. It was a way of saying to myself…”Hey, you can do this!” I was able to offer encouragement even in my darkest times. Let’s just keep it funky…2013 was rough for me!!!! it was beautiful. it was complex. it was simple. it was fun. it was boring. it was challenging. it inspired.

it. was. LIFE!

I don’t give up easy. I’m actually pretty stubborn and if I believe in something, I fight for it. I believe in this blog and the message I’m attempting to project. It’s bigger than me and it’s bigger than my shortcomings. I am willing to be transparent before all of you. I hope in doing so…I give you the courage to be transparent as well. If my message gets through to just ONE person, then my job has been done. Let’s grow TOGETHER!! I’m trying to form a sisterhood because we are our sisters’ keeper. Through this blog…these entries…I’m allowing my light to shine.

All it takes is one speck of light to penetrate dark…just one little speck. I am shining my little speck into this big, dark, intimidating world and I’m hoping that someone will see it. Not only see it but appreciate it. Maybe…just maybe my little spark of light will ignite someone else’s

Until next time…let’s continue to BmoreBeautiful

Choose Wisely!

“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.” – Unknown

Hey Beauties,

I have been tossing this topic around for months and today while I was on Twitter, I saw the above quote. It was like a divine revelation to me. Although I’m really not sure what direction I’m going to go in…I just knew when I read this quote that it was time to move forward on this topic. I felt like it was God giving me a nudge lol. I asked myself the question (and a few other people for good measure)…Is there a difference between change and growth? We hear people talking about changing for the better and that’s an AWESOME thing but would it be more accurate to say they just experienced growth as an individual? Perspectives vary so of course I got mixed answers when I asked people, “Are growth and change the same or are they two completely different things?”, “Can you change and not necessarily grow?” My answer is growth and change aren’t the same and that you can change and it doesn’t mean that you’re growing. Here’s my theory:

Change is a natural process, the natural order of things. The world is ever-changing because it is the natural order. That’s why we have The Ice Age, The Stone Age, The Iron Age, and etc.  The leaves on trees change in the fall, the young become the old, and etc. That is what I think of in terms of change. Growth on the other hand, is when you can see progress. If you can look back 5 years and your life is exactly the same (ANY aspect of it), you haven’t grown. I am a victim of stunted growth in some areas of my life and I’m sure others of you are as well. If not, show me how to get on your level LOL. Thankfully, this is not a permanent predicament. Everyone is capable of growth! IF…you are WILLING!!This is why we must CONSTANTLY evaluate ourselves, our lives, our relationships so that we can assess how to move forward. Let us not be comfortable reaching a plateau. Let us all adopt a mindset of progression versus a mindset of stagnation.

Are you stuck at a job you’re completely unhappy with and you want to start a promising career? That’s completely do-able!! Do you have bad habits or things you notice about yourself that you’d like to change? It CAN happen!! Tired of the same people, with the same mindset, going nowhere and fast? Do you want to surround yourself with more positive peers? Make it happen!! Be determined…be diligent!! We are our only obstacles standing in the way of growth. Make a dream board, create a realistic list of short-term and long-term goals you’d like to achieve and work HARD to achieve them, and change your surroundings so that you can GROW! Flowers do not grow in unfavorable soil…the same way you will  NOT grow in an environment that isn’t conducive.

I am striving hard for growth. Strive with me! Let’s grow as women, as mothers, as spouses, as peers, but more importantly…as INDIVIDUALS!

Until next time….Let’s continue to BmoreBeautiful

Being Single is NOT A Disease!!!

Hey Beauties,

Today, I’m speaking on a subject that hits home for me. I’m sure some of my other single ladies may be able to relate. Soooo…here goes! Mama is about to get allllll in her business LOL.

I am a 30-year-old mother of one. I’m young, intelligent, humorous, attractive, God-fearing, vivacious (among many qualities), and SINGLE! That used to sound horrible and lame to me.  After a couple of rough dates, meeting guys who just weren’t compatible, and being tired of trying to make us compatible…I GAVE UP!! Surely, something MUST”VE been wrong with me! At least, that is what I thought.

We live in a society that puts soooo much emphasis on relationships. At my age (and according to society), I should be married and working on kid #2. Until recently (VERYYY recently), I struggled with being single. I mean, being single does have some cons. Cold nights seem to be colder when you don’t have a pair of warm legs to rub against and it can suck to not have someone to share intimate moments with. Sometimes you wanna talk to your man about your day and not your girlfriend…ya know? There are also pros to being single. You can date anyone you please. You can spend more time with your girls and take time pampering and enjoying YOU. Still feel bad about being single? Guess what? *looks in the mirror* You will survive…I promise!!

 

Let me get personal again for a moment. I have spent so much of my time complaining about being single that I haven’t made time to actually enjoy being single. I’ve been so busy worrying about who is now in a relationship and why I’m still not in a relationship. I haven’t made time to enjoy me. I’ve been trying to forge something that I am honestly not prepared for…at this moment. Everything happens in its due season and I am no longer caught up or tripping about the single life. I plan to enjoy ME!

I just came to remind my beauties that:

  • Being single is NOT a disease!!
  • There is no rule that says you have to be married by a certain age.
  • Everyone who is in a relationship is NOT happy!! Stop coveting! Do YOU!
  • Get rid of old baggage before you buy new luggage!
  • Find out what makes you happy before you try to find someone to make happy!
  • A relationship shouldn’t define you and neither should a man
  • Love yourself but more importantly love God!
  • Hold on to your morals and values! Do not lose sight of what’s right
  • Laugh hard, live life to the fullest, and love hard BUT trust God! Sometimes the things/people we try to hold onto are the very things/people who He is trying to remove. Go through the process so that you can get THE BEST! =)

 

 

That’s all for now ladies. I hope I covered all bases but if I missed any…PLEASEEE feel free to comment and add your own! Remember, single is NOT a disease! Be liberated but more importantly, BmoreBeautiful.

Until next time…

Searching For Beauty

Hey Beauties,

I’m so thankful for the constant support of this blog. I enjoy the emails, the views, and the words of encouragement. It lets me know that what I’m doing here is not in vain. When you haven’t heard from me in a while, it’s usually because I’m doing some self-evaluation. I like to look over my life and see what I need to change and what I actually enjoy about myself. I consider myself to be honest in terms of recognizing my flaws and my strengths. I am not who/what I used to be and I am not who/what I’m going to be. Everyday is an effort to be better. Sometimes I meet the mark, other times….not so much. That is the beauty of being human. It’s realizing that we are perfectly imperfect and starting the journey to work on it…the journey to achieve greatness. I like to think of it as fine tuning our imperfections. Here is my inspired word for today…

It’s easy to point out the flaws in others (some struggle with pointing out their own flaws). I think it takes more of an effort to recognize the better qualities. Especially when it’s a person with a difficult personality. Sometimes, without getting to know a person, we can judge them unfairly. Or maybe, we may know some things about a person…but not much. We just that know that their personality irks us to NO END. Beauties, we should be careful with this. We do not know everyone’s story and EVERYONE HAS A STORY! Don’t even think about the other person right now…let’s look at this from our OWN perspective. We don’t like to be judged or criticized too harshly. Shouldn’t other people be treated the way we’d like to be treated or handled? We do not always know what people struggle with, what they pray about, what they ask to be delivered from, what strides they are making to change, and etc. We just hone in on the negatives instead of fishing around for the positives.

Am I suggesting that we will get along with everyone? Nope. I am also not suggesting that you will hold hands with everyone and skip down the street singing Kumbayah. What I am simply stating is that…sometimes we don’t even make an attempt to co-exist or get to know people we sometimes clash with. We automatically write them off without getting their story. When reading a book you get the background information, you learn the story and it gives you a better understanding of the character. It doesn’t mean you’re going to like the villain BUT you have a better understanding of how he/she operates. The same thing can apply in life! You learn the person’s story. You never know how much you may have in common!!!

Let us search for the beauty in people (even the difficult people who make it SO hard). Let us work hard so that we are not viewed as the difficult person! Let us learn someone’s story to get a better understanding of them and let us share our own stories. You never know who may be delivered, inspired, or who has experienced the same thing. We all know the famous cliche…”Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.” Well, let’s be the beholders and find the rose that may be growing in the concrete

 

Until next time….let us strive to BmoreBeautiful!!

Wanna Be Featured on BmoreBeautiful?

 

Hey Beauties,

 

Starting in October, I will be tracking my weightloss. I will have before pictures and I will allow my readers to see my progress. I will also be sharing recipes, exercise tips, my failures, my successes, and etc. I am interested in the health of my readers. Therefore, if you or anyone you know is interested in sharing their weightloss story, tips, recipes, before/after photos etc., I will feature YOU!! I will feature two people EVERY MONTH!! Just email me at bmorebeautiful.bb@gmail.com and you could be my featured story. Isn’t that exciting? I THINK SO!!

I’m always thinking of ways to encourage women to BmoreBeautiful =). Until next time….

 

Rashida ❤

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