PBM (Pre-Evaluation Before Marriage)


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Hey Beauties,

So often, many of us dream, desire or feel the need to jump the broom as we approach a certain age. The truth is many of us are so focused on being married and waiting for the right guy to ask us for our hand in marriage. Some of us have already have a cake, a caterer, and a dress that’s two sizes too small because we’re anticipating the size we will be. With all of the planning we’ve been doing we forget to evaluate the most important part of the union, the pre-evaluation of OURSELVES!! 

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                You have your biological clock ticking, your girlfriends and/or parents asking you or telling you, you need a mate. Question is…have YOU prepped your single world for a permanent guest? You really have to clean house (figuratively & literally)!! Once we find a potential mate (read: victim, LOL), who feels he or she wants to sign up for the lifetime job of being our mate…do we accept responsibility to make peace with ourselves? Or…do we expect and depend on our soon to be lifetime partner, to lift that burden? If so, you might as well put it in your plans for this union to possibly self destruct!! As you’re dating and waiting, don’t live that time period in vain! Use those years wisely!! Instead of looking at that time as waiting for her or him, look at it as working on SELF. Get your finances in order so that you’re self-sufficient. When the me becomes “we”, unpack and donate all of your old flames baggage!!What I mean is…all the gifts, memories, hurts and fears of your ex’s need to be THROWN OUT!! Also, get counseling for all those family secrets that have affected you!! You never know how alive they are until you’re face to face with them again!!

I can not stress this enough, talk to your mate!!! Find out what their childhood was like and be sure to get the Angry_African_American_couple_standing_back_to_BLD040541negative side too. People tend to only highlight the good and bury the things that have hurt them. I feel it is equally important, so that you are aware about what issues you need to be sensitive to. Be sure to discuss having children and what you expect from the other parent. You may be surprised about how many women from a two parent household marry a man who was raised by a  single mother. They can get frustrated because they expect him to be able to handle things a certain way.

Last but not least, when dating & waiting, be sure to be evaluate yourself! That way when that right person finds you, you will have YOUR “house” in order. It will be open, warm, welcoming, and ready to receive a guest. DON’T leave that person out in the cold while you run around, hurrying, and trying to pick up trash while they are outside ringing your bell. Keep your “house” clean!!

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Until next time, let’s continue to BmoreBeautiful

T. Richards

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1 Comment (+add yours?)

  1. missberryanna
    Mar 07, 2014 @ 19:09:55

    Awesome post!! Being in tune with self is definitely important before engaging in a relationship. Also, the expectations need to be realistic. Expectations that are never communicated are disappointments waiting to happen. Thank you for gifting us with this post!

    Reply

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